


Soul's Satisfaction

by Butterfly



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-18
Updated: 2009-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-02 15:01:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterfly/pseuds/Butterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam makes a list of all the things he loves about Kris. Kris finds it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soul's Satisfaction

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ONTD Charity Auction, for kradamlover16. Title inspired by W.S. Merwin's translation of Pablo Neruda's Poem #20 from the anthology Veinte Poemas de Amor Y Una Cancion Deseperada. Word count ~3,300. Bonus visual aids at the bottom.

It flutters to the floor innocently, just a folded piece of lined paper. Kris puts the book that he'd been thumbing through back on the shelf, bending over to pick it up. He's just waiting for Adam to come back to the room and he'd decided to glance through Adam's books, even though Adam's taste in books tends to either make him wince or feel a little stupid, and the paper had been tucked away inside a book, "Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair" by a guy called Pablo Neruda that Kris hadn't heard of before.

Kris opens up the paper and skims over it - it's a list... about a guy. About _What I Love About Him_. Kris hums a little, curious, and starts reading through it.

_he has gorgeous eyes. could spend forever looking into them._

Kris hasn't ever really noticed Drake's eyes himself, but he makes a mental note to check them out the next time he sees the guy. If they're such a big part of why Adam's attracted to him, they have to be special. And he should stop there, because it's obvious that Adam's going to get personal, but Kris can't help himself from reading more.

_the sweetest guy I've ever known. he makes me feel good about being myself_

Kris grins, a warm feeling blossoming in his chest. He knows that Adam has some issues with himself - his body and stuff like that. Anyone who helps Adam realize that he's perfect just the way he is gets... gets Kris's most sincere thanks.

Kris has obviously been underestimating Drake.

_beautiful voice. this is stupid and impossible but... sometimes, I imagine him singing lullabies to our kids. he would be such a wonderful father_

Kris bites down on his lip, trying to remember if he's ever heard Drake sing.

_his skin is pretty much flawless._

_no one gives better hugs. and he's never afraid to touch me. I don't think he knows how rare that is._

Kris frowns because... why _wouldn't_ boyfriends hug? That doesn't make any sense at all. Not that Drake really looks like he gives good hugs. He's a little... stiff. But maybe Kris is misjudging him. Maybe he's great at hugging. Maybe he's lots better at it than Kris. Maybe when Adam is hugging Kris, he's been _thinking_ of hugging Drake-

Maybe-

Kris forces his mind away from that line of thinking, looks back down at the paper.

_I love his accent. southern boys are the best._

_I love his loyalty, even when it breaks my heart._

_greatest ass in the world, I swear._

_he's so much smarter than he gives himself credit for being. and even more talented_

_when he laughs, no one else exists._

_one of the most accepting, giving people I've ever met_

_his hands, especially when he plays the piano. though watching him play guitar is nice, too._

And Kris stops because... because he would _know_ if Drake played guitar. Drake's fingers don't feel right for that, aren't hard enough. He swallows and reads down further.

_the curve of his lower back is flawless. he could be a sculpture in the louvre and he'd fit right in_

_his family! kim and neil have been so amazing to me. they almost treat me like part of the family._

Kris closes his eyes for a moment, just breathes. He hears a faint sound in the hallway, so he quickly folds up the paper and shoves it into his back pocket. He's reclining on the couch when Adam comes into the room, carrying two cups of hot tea.

He doesn't know how he makes it through the rest of his visit with Adam, though, luckily, he's able to hide behind his guitar for part of it.

When he gets home again, afterward, he unfolds the list with shaky fingers and finishes reading it, heart pounding.

_he makes being a christian seem like a good thing_

_he's always so surprised when people love him. he shouldn't be. but it makes me love him even more._

_his mouth always makes me want to tug on it with my teeth_

_the way he says my name! no one else says it the way that he does._

_he doesn't have a resentful bone in his body_

_flexible as fuck. bet I could get him into some really amazing positions_

_he doesn't care that people joke about us being together. open-minded almost to a fault_

_generous. humble but confident. funny but never mean._

_because he's perfect._

"I'm not," Kris whispers, crumpling up the list. Then he stops and straightens it out again, pressing at the creases. He reads it again, more slowly, fingers stroking over the words.

There is one in particular that stands out: _I love his loyalty, even when it breaks my heart._

He hasn't really said much to Adam about the problems he's been having with Katy - doesn't want him to worry, plus, they don't get all that much time together anymore. There's so much other stuff to talk about, so Kris doesn't bring up Katy and Adam rarely mentions Drake.

And if he barely sees Adam, he sees Katy even less. She's on a faith-revival kick which is... great. It's really great. But she gets frustrated when Kris can't break away from his schedule to come to church with her. Their most recent fight had ended when she'd accused him of loving his album more than he loved God.

Which isn't true, for the record.

But he'd let her go off to the late service alone, again, with the certainty that the next time he saw her, she'd probably freeze him out. That had been one of the reasons he'd been glad for the chance to escape to Adam's house.

Where Katy's been winter storms and lonely rain recently, Adam is always sunshine and joy.

Kris reads through the list again, considers it carefully, then he goes to his desk and pulls out a pen, writing some notes on the paper.

He seals it up in an envelope, carefully addressed, and sends it off, taking it personally down to the mailbox on the corner.

Four days later, Kris's phone buzzes - it's from Twitter.

_adamlambert: got a letter today, seems like the best offer in the world. Might be too good to be true. Fans - what should I do?_

Kris bites down on his grin and does something that his rarely-patient publicist Sandra will verbally smack him for later ("You need to establish yourself as an _individual_ artist. You can't keep talking about Adam! It's not good for either of your careers.") - he @replys Adam.

_@adamlambert the best things in life always seem too good to be true. it's worth it to take the chance._

It's the first time he's publicly tweeted Adam in... in a long while.

Less than five minutes later, his phone buzzes again.

_@KrisAllen4Real you would know better than anyone ;) hey, loved jamming w/ you the other day. up for another songwriting session?_

And, sure, they could be DM'ing each other at this point, but Kris is pretty sure that Adam is enjoying this as much as he is. And so are the Kradam fans and he's always had a soft spot for them.

_@adamlambert sounds like a good time. call you later?_

_@KrisAllen4Real looking forward to it!!!!! :)_

But it's Kris's phone that goes off, telling him that Adam's calling.

"You'd better not be fucking with me," Adam says. "I mean it. This morning, I broke up with my semi-exclusive boyfriend who gives head like a man dying for it. So. Yeah. Don't fuck with me."

"I'm not," Kris says.

"What about-"

"I told her the same day I mailed your list back to you," Kris says. "All things considered, she took it well."

All things considered includes the fact that he kinda promised that she was going to get the apartment (which is why he's currently in a hotel room), the car, and half of his money for another year. Man, Sandra is going to be pissed about that, too. It also includes Katy's (kinda condescending) speech about how he's giving into the shallow evils of Hollywood by going for a quickie divorce and, also, that she hopes that none of this will affect _her_ friendship with Adam (who, she assures him, is definitely _not_ one of the evils she was just talking about).

Less than five hours later, Adam is knocking on the door to Kris's hotel room.

"Well, at least you sprung for a good room," Adam says, and he's swaggering a little as he comes inside. Kris shrugs, eyes Adam a little warily. There had been a couple of moments on tour where he thinks that _maybe_ something was about to happen... but Adam never crossed that line. Now, Kris has erased the line and it is- it's strange to look at Adam and know that Adam is going to-

_-mouth always makes me want to tug on it-_

-know that he and Adam are really going to maybe move past friendship. If it works.

Well. Kris is pretty sure that the mechanics will work out, at least. He messed around a little the last few nights and it had even felt kinda good after a while. He hadn't managed to find his prostate like the website had said he should, but even without that, he'd liked the... stretched feeling. He'd liked just about everything except the mess that the lube had left on the sheets afterwards.

"Yeah," Kris says when he realizes that Adam is staring at him. He can't remember if Adam asked him a question. Adam's smiling at him, but it isn't his normal Kris-directed smile. It's more like what he wears on stage - there's a growl hidden in it - and he slinks over toward Kris, hips swaying. Kris swallows, refuses to back up, and he has to tilt his head up as Adam comes closer.

"Kris," Adam says, in a low, rumbly tone that might qualify as a purr. His hand comes up and closes around Kris's neck, pushing his head back further. It's harder for Kris to keep his mouth closed at that angle, so he lets it fall open, his lips parting. "I want-" Adam pauses for a second, a moment of hesitation. "I want you to say it out loud."

"I don't-" The sound of his own voice is shocking - it's breathy, no power behind it at all, the vibrations of his throat cut short by Adam's hand. "What do you-" he takes a quick, panting breath. "-want me to say?"

Adam's hand loosens, sliding down, and Kris breathes deep, almost swaying from how much he'd needed it. "You know what," Adam says, voice turning plaintive.

Kris licks his lips. "You mean... that I love you?"

And Adam flushes, just a little, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smile. It's a better look on him than the hungry one that he's been wearing.

"That you're the most wonderful person I know?" Kris says, reaching up and tugging Adam's hand away from his throat. Adam lets him, and that little smile is growing. "I could tell you _my_ list of things. Do you want to hear it?"

"I-" Adam sways toward him, biting down on his lip. "You really have a list?"

"He believes in me," Kris says, tilting his head slightly. Adam's gaze follows his mouth. "I've had other people tell me that I'm talented, but Adam... he makes me believe it."

Kris reaches up and wraps his fingers around the chain of Adam's necklace. He steps backwards, tugging, and Adam follows him. When Kris reaches the bed, he scoots back onto it, spreading his legs and pulling Adam to stand in between.

"I never get tired of spending time with him," Kris says, leaning back onto his elbows. Adam licks his lips, his eyes dropping down. Kris shifts his hips, lets Adam see how hard he is. "He's the most thoughtful guy I know - maybe I don't really believe in astrology, but Adam... Adam explains it in a way that makes sense."

Kris lets himself drop back onto the bed, reaching down to unbutton his shirt - slowly, while he keeps talking. "I never- I don't know as many words as Adam does, but I never feel stupid when he's around." If Adam had been in the room when Kris picked up that poetry book the other day, he would have said something to make Kris laugh and maybe understand it a little and Kris wouldn't have felt like it was all over his head.

"You're not stupid at all," Adam said, fiercely. "You pick up things really quickly, Kris. You're a smart guy."

Kris's mouth quirks up and he closes his eyes, half-way done with his shirt. "Well. I feel dumb sometimes. But not around you- not around _Adam_." When he's done unbuttoning, he shimmies out of the shirt, pushing it away. "I always feel... I feel special around him. When he looks at me, I feel like I matter."

Kris unbuttons his jeans, sliding back further on the bed. He kicks off his shoes, presses his feet against the side of the bed, arching his hips up. Adam's hand lands on his, and Adam is the one to unzip him.

Adam's hand is shaking.

"He's amazing," Kris says, letting his own hand drop away. "Maybe the most talented person I've ever met. His vo-_oice_-" Adam's hand is pressing down on him and Kris can't help the way his hips stutter. "-oh, that's... _oh_. Adam's. His voice. It's like... it's like..."

"It's like what?" Adam asks, and his hand is on bare skin now, the dry strokes making Kris jerk up toward him. Kris makes a strangled sound and he's not sure his mouth can form words right now. "Hey, Kris, guess what I can do?" And Adam's hand is gone, but seconds later, Kris's cock is surrounded by warmth and wetness, all the way down.

He lasts maybe two minutes.

He can feel Adam shifting him around, after, and Kris flails weakly at him, not even really feeling up to opening his eyes yet.

"You're good at that," Kris slurs, curling up on his side. "I should... I should add that to the list."

"Yeah," Adam says, and Kris can feel the press of Adam's cock against the curve of his ass. Adam's mouth is on his neck and Kris realizes something important.

"You should kiss me," he tells Adam, sliding his eyes open. Adam's mouth rubs over the line of Kris's cheek, then Adam's touching a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. Kris twists his neck back - it's a little uncomfortable - parting his lips and kissing Adam back. It continues until Kris pulls away with a sigh. Adam's hand palms Kris's hip, and Kris relaxes back against him. "I like your clothes," Kris says, thoughtfully. "I could watch you play dress-up all day."

Which is true. He loves how excited Adam gets, especially with coats and boots, though Adam will also happily squeal over a good, tight pair of pants or a cool-looking belt. And Adam loves putting his clothes together into an _outfit_ and it's hard not to be happy when Adam is beaming all over the place like he's just invented fun.

Adam's thrusting against him, gently, and it's- it's interesting. Kinda weird, but not freaky or anything. Adam's holding Kris in place with his hand, which definitely works, though it's odd to be in bed with someone who can hold him down.

"You look good in makeup," Kris says, a little dreamily. "But you look good without it, too. I know that you don't really like the freckles, but I think they're cute."

Adam's hand tightens on his hip. It hurts a little, but not in a bad way.

"You're such a good person," Kris says, and he has to laugh at himself. "I guess that's not sexy or whatever, but I think it's important." Another memory pops into his head and he's pretty sure his internal filter has been completely destroyed, because he just starts talking about it. "I remember that night with- was it Danny's cousin? And you were just... I wanted to start yelling at people for you, but you just stayed in control until we were back in the room. And you- I got to be the one to hug _you_. I liked that. That I helped."

Adam's moving against him hard and fast now, and Kris wriggles against him, pushing back. Adam is sucking on his neck now, and he hasn't gotten a hickey since he was twenty, but he has the feeling that he's going to have several by the time Adam's done with him.

"You're tall," Kris says, and Adam lets out a gasping moan. Huh. "Big. All over." _Definitely_ a moan. _I like them smaller and younger_; that's what Adam had said in some magazine a while back. Kris decides to experiment a little. "I bet you could pick me up and hold me against a wall." Adam's hand is flexing against his hip and Kris is planning to keep talking, but then Adam whimpers, burying his teeth in the side of Kris's neck, his hips _slamming_ against Kris's.

Kris isn't able to hold back a yelp of pain at the bite, and the second that Adam is done shivering, he's pulling away, his hand petting at the place on Kris's neck that's throbbing, as he mumbles out apologies.

"Are you okay?" Adam asks, for about the fourth time. "Shit. _Shit_. That's- that's going to leave one hell of a mark. I'm so sorry, Kris." It's probably the tenth time he's said 'sorry'.

Finally, Kris manages to bat Adam's hand away. "I'm _fine_. I'm not made of glass! I can take some rough handling without breaking." Adam's eyes narrow at Kris's words and Kris wonders if Adam can possibly be getting hard again. "You. Um. You might want to wait a little before testing that out, though." Because Kris is actually pretty sure that his hip is going to bruise, too.

"I was terrified when I opened that letter," Adam says and he reaches up and strokes Kris's face, thumb pressing against Kris's mouth, slipping inside, then streaking that wetness over Kris's lips. "Fuck, I was terrified when I posted that tweet."

Kris wraps his hand around Adam's, tangling their fingers together.

"It's okay," he says, tugging Adam down for another kiss and it's even better this time. "I'll take care of you," Kris whispers against Adam's mouth. Adam's relaxing against him, settling into a comfortable position. "I've got you."

Kris strokes through Adam's hair, a little sticky and stiff from whatever he'd used on it that day, and considers his words carefully.

"I- I love everything about you," Kris says, tucking himself up against Adam's chest. "I love that you're kinda crazy and I love... I love that you're just about the sweetest, most cuddly person I've ever known. You could be mine, if I wanted?"

"Already am," Adam says, wrapping his arm around Kris's waist. "All yours."

So, that went well.

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://dianamichelle.5u.com/images/adampaper01.jpg) [](http://dianamichelle.5u.com/images/adampaper02.jpg)


End file.
